The Stella Awards

Discussion in 'Jokes' started by oldhippie, Dec 20, 2010.

  1. oldhippie

    oldhippie Senior Member

    Beware of the stupid for they have smart lawyers. (Is this really true?)

    It's time again for the annual 'Stella Awards'! For those unfamiliar with these awards, they are named after 81-year-old Stella Liebeck who spilled hot coffee on herself and successfully sued the McDonald's in New Mexico, where she purchased coffee. You remember, she took the lid off the coffee and put it between her knees while she was driving. Who would ever think one could get burned doing that, right? That's right; these are awards for the most outlandish lawsuits and verdicts in the U.S. You know, the kinds of cases that make you scratch your head. So keep your head scratcher handy.

    Here are the Stellas for the year 2009:

    Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas was awarded $80,000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running inside a furniture store. The store owners were understandably surprised by the verdict, considering the running toddler was her own son

    Start scratching!

    Carl Truman, 19, of Los Angeles , California won $74,000 plus medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Truman apparently didn't notice there was someone at the wheel of the car when he was trying to steal his neighbor's hubcaps.

    Scratch some more...

    Terrence Dickson, of Bristol , Pennsylvania , who was leaving a house he had just burglarized by way of the garage. Unfortunately for Dickson, the automatic garage door opener malfunctioned and he could not get the garage door to open. Worse, he couldn't re-enter the house because the door connecting the garage to the house locked when Dickson pulled it shut.
    Forced to sit for eight, count 'em, EIGHT days and survive on a case of Pepsi and a large bag of dry dog food, he sued the homeowner's insurance company claiming undue mental Anguish. Amazingly, the jury said the insurance company must pay Dickson $500,000 for his anguish. We should all have this kind of anguish Keep scratching. There are more...

    Double hand scratching after this one..

    Jerry Williams, of Little Rock, Arkansas, garnered 4th Place in the Stella's when he was awarded $14,500 plus medical expenses after being bitten on the backside by his next door neighbor's beagle - even though the beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced yard. Williams did not get as much as he asked for because the jury believed the beagle might have been provoked at the time of the backside bite because Williams had climbed over the fence into the yard and repeatedly shot the dog with a pellet gun.

    Pick a new spot to scratch, you're getting a bald spot..

    Amber Carson of Lancaster, Pennsylvania because a jury ordered a Philadelphia restaurant to pay her $113,500 after she slipped on a spilled soft drink and broke her tailbone. The reason the soft drink was on the floor: Ms. Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument. What ever happened to people being responsible for their own actions?

    Only two more so ease up on the scratching...

    Kara Walton, of Claymont , Delaware sued the owner of a night club in a nearby city because she fell from the bathroom window to the floor, knocking out her two front teeth. Even though Ms. Walton was trying to sneak through the ladies room window to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge, the jury said the night club had to pay her $12,000....oh, yeah, plus dental expenses. Go figure.

    Ok. Here we go!!

    This year's runaway First Place Stella Award winner was: Mrs. Merv Grazinski, of Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, who purchased new 32-foot Winnebago motorhome. On her first trip home, from an OU football game, having driven on to the freeway, she set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the driver's seat to go to the back of the Winnebago to make herself a sandwich.
    Not surprisingly, the motor home left the freeway, crashed and overturned.
    Also not surprisingly, Mrs. Grazinski sued Winnebago for not putting in the owner's manual that she couldn't actually leave the driver's seat while the cruise control was set. The Oklahoma jury awarded her, are you sitting down?
    $1,750,000 PLUS a new motor home. Winnebago actually changed their manuals as a result of this suit, just in case Mrs. Grazinski has any relatives
    who might also buy a motor home.
  2. SixPak

    SixPak Junior Member

    Not much better up here. Just this past week some guy spilled his coffee on his hands when he accidentally knocked the cup over while adding cream and sugar. He is now suing Starbucks for mental anguish, loss of wages, medical treatment and says he now has scarring on his hands. And it happened 2 years ago. I just have one thing to say about it; It's coffee, It's Hot. :small3d023:
  3. gator508

    gator508 Well-Known Member

    How did things ever get so out of whack. Makes me afraid to leave the house sometimes.
    Have a friend who is a paralegal, her coffe cup says "First thing we do is kill all the layers". Uh-oh!
  4. HDDon

    HDDon Experienced Member Contributor Retired Moderators

    That's a quote stright from Shakespeare, and it would work if we start with all the lawyers in DC!!!:panic:panic
  5. RetiredJake

    RetiredJake Junior Member

    Common sense and personal responsibility have been the biggest losers in our lifetimes. Results like this make me want to renounce my membership in the human race.
  6. SoonerSoftail

    SoonerSoftail Active Member

    Why did the #1 have to be in OKC. WHY!!!!!!!!!:wall
  7. R. Lewis

    R. Lewis Senior Member Retired Moderators

    JMPO ---- Its not the/all lawyers I blame , they are doing their " job" by presenting these kind of cases to the courts. The ones I really blame are the Judges that allow this to proceed! :newsmile03:
  8. Redfish-Joe

    Redfish-Joe Senior Member

  9. CropdusterDoug

    CropdusterDoug Member

    The idiots in the Jury are to blame for this too!
  10. geezer

    geezer Senior Member Contributor

    Now I know why manuals have all those stupid warnings in them that should be common sense for most people. I carry 5 million liability insurance to be protected from people who would die if they had to think to breathe. Unfortunately the Stella winners and their lawyers are the smart ones in their cases and the judges are the stupid ones for not throwing their cases out before they go to court.