The meal

Discussion in 'Jokes' started by Redfish-Joe, Oct 13, 2010.

  1. Redfish-Joe

    Redfish-Joe Senior Member

    "$5.37." That's what the kid behind the counter at Taco Bell said to me. I dug into my pocket and pulled out some lint and two dimes and something that used to be a Jolly Rancher. Having already handed the kid a five-spot, I started to head back out to the truck to grab some change, when the kid with the Elmo hairdo said the harshest thing anyone has ever said to me.

    He said, "It's OK. I'll just give you the senior citizen discount."

    I turned to see who he was talking to and then heard the sound of change hitting the counter in front of me.

    "Only $4.68," he said cheerfully.

    I stood there stupefied. I am 58, not even 60 yet. A mere child! Senior citizen? I took my burrito and walked out to the truck, wondering what was wrong with Elmo. Was he blind? As I sat in the truck, my blood began to boil. Old? Me? I'll show him, I thought. I opened the door and headed back inside. I strode to the counter, and there he was waiting with a smile.

    Before I could say a word, he held up something and jingled it in front of me, like I could be that easily distracted! What am I now? A toddler?

    "Dude! Can't get too far without your car keys, eh?"

    I stared with utter disdain at the keys. I began to rationalize in my mind. "Leaving keys behind hardly makes a man elderly! It could happen to anyone!"

    I turned and headed back to the truck. I slipped the key into the ignition, but it wouldn't turn.

    What now? I checked my keys and tried another. Still nothing. That's when I noticed the purple beads hanging from my rearview mirror. I had no purple beads hanging from my rearview mirror.

    Then, a few other objects came into focus. The car seat in the back seat. Happy Meal toys spread all over the floorboard. A partially eaten doughnut on the dashboard. Faster than you can say ginkgo biloba, I flew out of the alien vehicle.

    Moments later I was speeding out of the parking lot, relieved to finally be leaving this nightmarish stop in my life. That is when I felt it, deep in the bowels of my stomach: hunger! My stomach growled and churned, and I reached to grab my burrito, only it was nowhere to be found.

    I swung the truck around, gathered my courage, and strode back into the restaurant one final time. There Elmo stood, draped in youth and black nail polish. All I could think was, "What is the world coming to?"
    All I could say was, "Did I leave my food and drink in here?" At this point I was ready to ask a Boy Scout to help me back to my vehicle, and then go straight home and apply for Social Security benefits.

    Elmo had no clue. I walked back out to the truck, and suddenly a young lad came up and tugged on my jeans to get my attention. He was holding up a drink and a bag. His mother explained, "I think you left this in my truck by mistake."

    I took the food and drink from the little boy and sheepishly apologized.

    He offered these kind words, "It's OK. My grandfather does stuff like this all the time."

    All of this is to explain how I got a ticket doing 85 in a 40. Yes, I was racing some punk kid in a Toyota Prius. And, no, I told the officer, I'm not too old to be driving this fast.

    As I walked in the front door, my wife met me halfway down the hall. I handed her a bag of cold food and a $300 speeding ticket. I promptly sat in my rocking chair and covered up my legs with a blankey.

    The good news was I had successfully found my way home.
  2. gator508

    gator508 Well-Known Member


    Almost spilled my coffee. It's strange once we hit the 4-oh, how fast time goes by. I went to play golf the other day and noticed the green fees were cheaper, looked at my reciept, yup S C D!!
  3. sprinklerfitter669

    sprinklerfitter669 Junior Member

    I almost fell out of my chair laughing !!!!

  4. dbmg

    dbmg Guest

    Redfish its tough to get old but it sure beats the altenative. I just turned 50 and you actually gave me some moral support with your story. One question did the Misses just let it go and tell you not to be to hard on yourself ?????:newsmile040::newsmile040::newsmile100:
  5. Dr.Evil

    Dr.Evil Junior Member

    Alright, I have to know. Was this just a first person joke, or a truly funny story? :34:
  6. fin_676

    fin_676 Experienced Member Staff Member Moderator Contributor

    I know the feeling and i laughed at the story son turned round to look at me and said whats up
    ill go and walk the dog now he will lead me home again

  7. Redfish-Joe

    Redfish-Joe Senior Member

    All I'm gonna say is a day over the hill is better than being under it! :newsmile100:
  8. HarryB737

    HarryB737 Junior Member

    At 57 it's amazing how much of myself came into view.... :(
  9. Trek

    Trek Junior Member

    LOL! That's it.
  10. SixPak

    SixPak Junior Member

    :newsmile100: Thats the best laugh I've had in a while! thanks!!