When Insults Had Class:

Discussion in 'Jokes' started by Sgt York, May 8, 2009.

  1. Sgt York

    Sgt York Active Member

    These glorious insults are from an era when cleverness with words was still valued, before a great portion of the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words.

    The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor: She said, "If you were my husband I'd give you poison," and he said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."

    A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease." "That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "on whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."

    "He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr

    "He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." - Winston Churchill

    "A modest little person, with much to be modest about." - Winston Churchill

    "I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." Clarence Darrow

    "He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).

    "Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?" - Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)

    "Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." - Moses Hadas

    "He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know." - Abraham Lincoln

    "I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain

    "He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends." - Oscar Wilde

    "I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend.... if you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

    "Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one." - Winston Churchill, in response.

    "I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." - Stephen Bishop

    "He is a self-made man and worships his creator." - John Bright

    "He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others." - Samuel Johnson

    "There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure." Jack E. Leonard

    "He has the attention span of a lightning bolt." - Robert Redford

    "In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." - Charles, Count Talleyrand

    "Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" - Mark Twain

    "His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." - Mae West

    "Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." - Oscar Wilde

    "He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts.. . for support rather than illumination. " - Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

    "He has Van Gogh's ear for music." - Billy Wilder

    "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening but this wasn't it." - Groucho Marx
  2. STEVE07

    STEVE07 Well-Known Member Staff Member Super Moderators

    :DBrought a smile to my face:D
  3. Truffle

    Truffle Member

    very funny, that had to take a while to compile.
  4. alto

    alto Active Member

    Good Stuff Sgt. Thanks for the smile.
    I don't know if it was Mark Twain but....when meeting a total bore and listening to the man go on and on about nothing, (Twain?) said'
    " I do believe that, between you and I, we know EVERYTHING there is to know for you seem to know everything except the fact that you're a fool, and I know that."
  5. skcm2006

    skcm2006 Member

    "He is a self-made man and worships his creator." - John Bright

    I know people like this - unfortunately too many !
  6. Nuclear

    Nuclear Member

    Great collection :s

    It's unfortunate that vulgar tirades have taken their place in our pop culture.