Discussion in 'Jokes' started by oldhippie, Jan 20, 2014.

  1. oldhippie

    oldhippie Senior Member

    "Lexophile" is a word used to describe those that love using words in rather unique ways,
    such as "you can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish", or "to write with a broken pencil is
    pointless." A competition to see who can come up with the best one is held every year.
    This year's winning submission is posted at the very end.

    When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.

    A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

    When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A.

    The batteries were given out free of charge.

    A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.

    A will is a dead giveaway.

    With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

    A boiled egg is hard to beat.

    When you've seen one shopping Center you've seen a mall.

    Police were called to a day care Center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

    Did you hear about the fellow whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

    A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.

    When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

    The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine is now fully recovered.

    He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

    When she saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she'd dye.

    Acupuncture is a jab well done. That's the point of it.

    And the cream of the wretched crop:

    Those who get too big for their pants will be exposed in the end.
  2. HDDon

    HDDon Experienced Member Contributor Retired Moderators

    Why is an old spinster like a frozen tomato? Because it's hard to mate her.
  3. gator508

    gator508 Well-Known Member

    Interesting thread, TMI, but good. Drive on a Parkway, park on a driveway.
  4. dbmg

    dbmg Guest

    Now thats some good thinking outside the box.:)
  5. jeffski07

    jeffski07 New Member

    My doctor said I need glasses, I don't see why.
  6. Billbo

    Billbo Junior Member

    GOOD!!!! Some really quick witted folks out there. Thanks I enjoyed reading them.

    Say - did you ever see a horse fly?
    Did you ever see a side walk?
    IF Jimmy cracked corn and nobody cares - why did they make a song about it?
    Oh they are very OLD I know - but dont hate - smile - they are all amusing.

    Have a great and blessed day now.