Euro English!

Discussion in 'Jokes' started by T wrecks, Sep 14, 2007.

  1. T wrecks

    T wrecks Junior Member

    Europe English

    The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU rather than German which was the other possibility.

    As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five year phase-in plan that would be known as "Euro-English".

    In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of the "k". This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have 1 less letter.

    There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20% shorter.

    In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be ekspekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent "e"s in the language is disgraseful, and they should go away.

    By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v". During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.

    After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi to understand ech ozer. Ze drem vil finali kum tru! And zen ze world! :pelao
  2. glider

    glider Veteran Member

    Now your talking T :D
  3. jeromeserena

    jeromeserena Member

    you know it makes sence:D:D:D:D:D:D:D
  4. glider

    glider Veteran Member

    How about "press 1 for english and 2 for spanish???
  5. T wrecks

    T wrecks Junior Member

    I thought you would like that one, glider!!:D:D:D:thanks
  6. Hi-Tek Rednek

    Hi-Tek Rednek Active Member

    What the *@#%*# .....?????? So what the heck is the "Rednek" version of that crap???? Guess maybe....DUuhhhh??? :dknow :nosad :no
  7. T wrecks

    T wrecks Junior Member

    Here you go Hi-Tek. You seem to be a bit lost here. :D

    Redneck Dictionary[​IMG]
    Learn ta Speak Redneck

    Last updated on Friday, December 22, 2006

    BARD - verb. Past tense of the infinitive "to borrow."
    Usage: "My brother bard my pickup truck."

    JAWJUH - noun. A highly flammable state just north of Florida.
    Usage: "My brother from Jawjah bard my pickup truck."

    MUNTS - noun. A calendar division.
    Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I aint herd from him in munts."

    IGNERT - adjective. Not smart. See "Auburn Alumni."
    Usage: "Them N-C-TWO-A boys sure are ignert!"

    RANCH - noun. A tool.
    Usage: "I think I left my ranch in the back of that pickup truck my brother from Jawjuh
    bard a few munts ago."

    ALL - noun. A petroleum-based lubricant.
    Usage: "I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck."

    FAR - noun. A conflagration.
    Usage: "If my brother from Jawjuh doesn't change the all in my pickup truck, that things
    gonna catch far."

    BAHS - noun. A supervisor.
    Usage: "If you don't stop reading these Southern words and git back to work, your bahs is
    gonna far you!"

    TAR - noun. A rubber wheel.
    Usage: "Gee, I hope that brother of mine from Jawjuh doesn't git a flat tar in my pickup

    TIRE - noun. A tall monument.
    Usage: "Lord willing and the creeks don't rise, I sure do hope to see that Eiffel Tire in
    Paris sometime."

    HOT - noun. A blood-pumping organ.
    HOD - adverb. Not easy.
    Usage: "A broken hot is hod to fix."

    RETARD - Verb. To stop working.
    Usage: "My granpaw retard at age 65."

    TARRED - adverb. Exhausted.
    Usage: "I just flew in from Hot-lanta, and boy my arms are tarred."

    RATS - noun. Entitled power or privilege.
    Usage: "We Southerners are willing to fight for out rats."

    LOT - adjective. Luminescent.
    Usage: "I dream of Jeanie in the lot-brown hair."

    FARN - adjective. Not local.
    Usage: "I cudnt unnerstand a wurd he sed ... must be from some farn country."

    DID - adjective. Not alive.
    Usage: "He's did, Jim."

    EAR - noun. A colorless, odorless gas (unless you are in LA).
    Usage: "He can't breathe ... give 'em some ear!"

    BOB WAR - noun. A sharp, twisted cable.
    Usage: "Boy, stay away from that bob war fence."

    JU-HERE - a question.
    Usage: "Juhere that former Dallas Cowboys' coach Jimmy Johnson recently toured the
    University of Alabama?"

    HAZE - a contraction.
    Usage: "Is Bubba smart?" "Nah ... haze ignert."

    SEED - verb, past tense.
    VIEW - contraction: verb and pronoun.
    Usage: "I ain't never seed New York City ... view?"

    HEAVY DEW - phrase. A request for action.
    Usage: "Kin I heavy dew me a favor?"

    GUMMIT - Noun. An often-closed bureaucratic institution.
    Usage: "Great ... ANOTHER gummit shutdown!
  8. HarleyHarry

    HarleyHarry Banned

    You're all mad. Not me....I'm an airplane
  9. Hi-Tek Rednek

    Hi-Tek Rednek Active Member

    Hey "T". Loved the "Rednek Dictionary". Now that made total sense! Dat dare wuz "funneeeee".......I don't care who ya are!!! :rofl:rofl:rofl:rofl
  10. T wrecks

    T wrecks Junior Member

    My pleasure Hi-Tek.:hii We use a bit of slang down this way, too!!:50: