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A Western NY story.......


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December 8: 6:00 PM. It started to snow. The first snow
of the season and the wife and I took our drink's and sat for
hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down.
It looked like a Grandma Moses Print. So romantic we felt like
newlyweds again. I love snow!

December 9: We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal
white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a
fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the Whole
World? Moving here was the best idea I've ever had. Shoveled for the first time in years, felt like a boy again. I did both
our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snowplow
came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the
driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life.

December 12: The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such
a disappointment. My neighbor tells me not to worry, we'll
definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would
be awful! Bob says we'll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again. I don't think that's possible. Bob is such a nice guy, I'm glad he's our neighbor.

December 14: Snow, lovely snow! 8" last night. The
temperature dropped to -20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life! The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. I didn't realize I would have to do quite this much
shoveling, but I'll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish I wouldn't huff and puff so.

December 15: 20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a
4x4 Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife's car and two extra
shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in
case the electricity goes out. I think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all.

December 16: Ice storm this morning. Fell on my azz on the
ice in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife
laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel.

December 17: Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to
go anywhere. Electricity was off for five hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her. God I hate it when she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room.

December 20: Electricity's back on, but had another 14" of the
damn stuff last night. More shoveling. Took all day. The "G.D."
snowplow came by twice.Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called the only hardware stores around to see about buying a snow blower, and they're out. Might have another shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he's lying.

December 22: Bob was right about a white Christmas, because 13 more inches of the white stuff fell today, and it's so
cold it probably won't melt 'til August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel, and then I had to pi**. By the time I got undressed, pi**ed and dressed again, I was too tired to shovel! Tried to hire Bob, who has a plow on his truck, for the rest of the winter; but he says he's too busy. I think the a**hole is lying.

December 23: Only 2" of snow today, and it warmed up to "0".
The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What, is she nuts!!! Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did, but I think she's lying.

December 24: 6" Snow, packed so hard by the snow plow, I broke the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the S.O.B. who drives that snowplow, I'll drag him through the snow by his "you know whats" and beat him to death with my broken shovel. I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at a100 miles an hour and throws snow all over everywhere I've just been! Tonight the wife wanted me
to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was too busy watching for the GD snowplow.

December 25: Merry F!=3D@x@!x!x1 Christmas. 20 more inches
of the !=3D@x@!x!x1 slop tonight. Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God, I hate the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she's a fricking idiot. If I have to watch "It's a Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm going to stuff her into the micro wave.

December 26: Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It was all HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves.

December 27: Temperature dropped to -30, and the pipes froze. Plumber came after 14 hours of waiting for him; he only charged me $1,400 to replace my pipes.

December 28: Warmed up to above -50. Still snowed in. The B**CH is driving me crazy!!!!!

December 29: 10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?

December 30: Roof caved in. I beat up the snow plow driver.
He is now suing me for a million dollars; not only for the beating I gave him, but also for trying to shove the broken snow shovel up his butt. The wife went home to her mother. 9" more predicted.

December 31: I set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling.

January 8: I feel so good. I just love those little whitepills they keep giving me.
Why am I tied to the bed?:bigsmiley21:
After reading that,i'm glad the only snow i see here in SUNNY Queensland is the white stuff that falls off peoples' heads.

Cold? Whats that?
Regards form our steamy paradise:cheers